It was dark. I was lost. There was no purpose in life other than to get high. Even though I had 5 children under the age of 5 I was still looking for more. I couldn't find it. I numbed myself form finding anything by getting high and using meth. Even if I did find it I wouldn't notice because I was so numb.
When I was in here (Hiland) I prayed for an answer to be released on a unsecured bail & I didn't get it. I fasted and it didn't work. I moved to the Faith Wing. I practiced prayer. I forgave myself & confessed to doing something wrong. I repented & from there God slowly started to heal me. I started to learn how to receive blessing & His love.
Accepting that God sent His only Son down to earth to die for my sins were brutal thoughts. It was hard to take in. It was hard to believe but I accepted Jesus into my life. I allowed Him to take control & lead my path.
From there on conviction started. The "little" sins committed turned into bigger events in my life where I was rejected. I was not forgiven when I told the truth and I didn't expect that. Because I had lied in the past God punished me in that way. If we totally admit to our wrongs and accept the punishment I truly believe I will be forgiven.
My relationship with my husband strengthened. There are no secrets.